Last modified: May 29 2007 10:27:48

Stupid Ass Quotes

Where's Ebay?

Rocky: "Where'd you get that [mic/speaker extention] for your radio?"
Tre: "Ebay:
Rocky: "Ebay? Where the hell is that?"

Dying Hair

My Grandma: "I don't understand why anyone with light hair would want to bleach it black."

Don't Fall

Jess (standing on the steps of the stage): "Oh my God I'm gonna fall!"
Me (not thinking): "Okay"

Dead Singing

Anonomous Person 1: "Are you talking to me or singing?"
Anonomous Person 2: "Singing"
Anonomous Person 1: "You call that singing? I thought there were dead cats running around or something!"

It Helps a Lot (a little)

Math Teacher: "If youse remember this from last year, it helps a lot a little bit, ya know?"

Trig

Math Teacher: "So what exactly is trig?"
Student: "It's like, math."

Popups and ISPs

An IT Professional: "I hate Optimum Online because it has more popups. That's why I got Verizon DSL. There's something different with the two companies marketing strategies where Optimum Online has more popup ads than Verizon. Something with the cable line and the phone lines that does that. That's why you should get DSL instead."

Where's Spain?

Teacher: "You don't know where Spain is?"
Student: "No I do. It's in Spanish"

Lincoln's Assassination

Teacher: "Name the place Lincoln was shot in."
Student: "The Lincoln Monument"

Socks

Dannyrob: "Whoa! My sock went all the way up my leg. It felt annoying."

Senators and States

Teacher: "Ok, part of the Great Compromise was having 2 senators per state no matter what the size, and the House of Representatives is based on state population. [Student], how many senators are there in Alaska?"
Student: "2"
Teacher: "Good. Now how many US senators are there in Iraq?"
Student: "2"
>>The sane people go hysterical laughing while others look baffled wondering what's funny.
Teacher: "[Student], how many states are there?"
Student: "52"
Teacher: "Why don't you go to the map and count?"
>>The idiot pulls up map of the United States and pulls down map of Canada.
Student: "Wait, Canada's not a state, right?"
Teacher: "There are 50 states, sit down"
Student: "No there are 52. Alaska and Hawaii were just added."
>>Student spends next 30 seconds frantically pulling up and down different maps of the world. She can't find the United States map (which was up to begin with). After another 30 seconds, she finally gives up after a while...

I swear this is not made up. People are this stupid... Oh and for reference purposes, I just used that to replace the person's name.

Latitude and Longitude

Idiot in class: "I want your exact latitude longitude to the second"
AnAngryElfMonkey: "to the second?"
AnAngryElfMonkey: "how the f*** can latitude and longitude be measured in seconds?"

History Class Discussuon (about Jamestown)

Portfolioso: "Yeah they got there, farmed, and cropped the crops."

Golf Bowling

Dannyrob (while we were bowling): "After this hole I'm gonna go and get some money"

Sleeping

What my dad said to me when I woke him up at 2:30PM because I couldn't find something:
"What'd you wake me up for. I can't even get a good night's sleep."

Basement

Dannyrob: "My basement has all good stuff in it, but its too hot, and my basement is a room of cement thats moldy and disgustin, and the only good thing it has is a ping pong table that 4 seperate pieces."

Clothing

Dannyrob: "I'm not saying it's wrong to wear the same clothes in two days. I do it every once in a while, but at least I don't tell anyone about it"

Fission

Mr. Beirne: "Fission means to..."
Idiot in Class: "Ummm... Fizz?"

Physical/ Mental State

Mr. Beirne: "Greg'ry, get with it. You're here mentally but not physically."

See You Tomorrow

Marc: "Bye Mr. B. See you tomorrow!"
Mr. B: "Not if I see you first!"

Colorless vs. Clear

Background info: We're in chemistry discussing acids and bases.

Mr. B : "When you change from an acid to a base, phenophthalein turns from colorless to clear.
Greg C : "Isn't that the same thing?"
Mr. B: "No. One is colorless and the other is clear."
Mr. B (10 seconds later): "Oh, you're right Greg'ry. I meant colorless to pink. Hee hee hee!"

What was the math homework?

Note this AIM conversation

Shallowgreg2006 (5:53:03 PM): whats the math hw
Jpcef (5:53:43 PM): why are u doing it?
Shallowgreg2006 (5:53:53 PM): i shouldnt
Jpcef (5:53:56 PM): McAniff will understand [considering what happened today]
Shallowgreg2006 (5:54:03 PM): k
Shallowgreg2006 (5:54:09 PM): we'll be slackers
Jpcef (5:54:20 PM): cool!
Shallowgreg2006 (5:54:24 PM): but do u no it
Jpcef (5:54:38 PM): u wanna do it?
Shallowgreg2006 (5:54:42 PM): yea
Jpcef (5:55:40 PM): lol ur an ass
Jpcef (5:55:51 PM): u said u'd be a slacker

Kevin!!!

Costanzo: "How do you spell Quito?"
Kevin: "QUI-U-I-T-O"

He left...

Marc: "John left ten minutes ago, but I'm going to go outside and see if he is still here"

Stop Talking About Yourself

Marc: "Anyone with the name Greg [S.] who is wearing a Nautica jacket is an idiot"
Greg: "Stop talking about yourself, Marc"

Yet Another Stupid Greg Quote

Marc: "What time are you going [to the movie]?"
Greg: "Maybe Scary Movie 3"

Comedy Central

Dannyrob: "Did you ever see Best in Show, it's on Comedy Central every five minutes"
Greg: Who stars in it, those comedian guys?"

Comedy Central

Dannyrob: "Did you ever see Best in Show, it's on Comedy Central every five minutes"
Greg: Who stars in it, those comedian guys?"

Goodbye

What my grandma said to me after saying goodbye to everyone after my family spent 10 minutes talking about Alzheimers Disease:

Grandma: Did I say goodbye to you?"

Vowels

English Teacher: "Come on!! You mean to tell me no one ever taught you vowels before? They are A, E, I, O, U and sometimes W"
Entire Class: "What?!"

Man

Marc (talking to Ms. B): "Man, I think I got 100 on that test!"
Ms. B: "Thats Ms. Man to you."

The Remote

Me: ""On average, how often do you have to change the batteries in the remote?"
No Response
Me: "Hello? I asked how long do the batteries in the remote control last?" My Dad: "I don't know, whenever they die."

9/11

My Grandma: "You know, I get so upset when people forget about 9/11. I mean look at Bob, he could have been there."
Me: "He was"

Mother's Day

Me: "Oh, by the way next week is Mothers Day"
My Grandma: "Well it doesn't matter I'm not a mother"

Happy Birthday Grandma

My mom: "Happy birthday and many more!"
My Grandma: "Yeah, but not too many."

The Rat

Me: "Happy birthday and many more"
My other Grandma (referrring to a computer mouse): "Joe, I don't know anything about the computer. The only thing I know how to do is [use] that rat."

The Diabetes

Grandma: "Well Bob, I hope you don't get diabetes. Hopefully it will skip a generation."
Me: "Thanks a lot!"